Why You Behave The Way You Do.
Why you behave the way you do? The difference in people’s lives is the choices we make in life, not the challenges we find encounter. The more I interact with humanity the more I see commonalities and very few distinctions that differentiate a happy human being from a totally depressed suicidal soul. It has nothing to do with what is going on around them but what is going on within them.
The choices of what is important to you will determine how you end up experiencing life. We all do what we do in order to satisfy our psychological internal choices of whom we believe we are. Therefore whatever we do including choosing to read this article, we do it for a reason.
According to Tony Robbins, there are only six reasons why we do what we do. Every action we take or fail to take is motivated by trying to meet one or more of the six human needs. Each of the six human needs can be met constructively/positively or destructively/negatively or neutral. The needs are God-given, but how we meet them (the vehicles) depends on our emotional intelligence and the genius of knowing what is important to me.
THE SIX NEEDS
1. Certainty: The assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure
2. Uncertainty/Variety: The needs for the new or the unknown, change, new stimuli
3. Significance: feeling unique, important, special, or needed
4. Connection/Love: a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something
5. Growth: an expansion of capacity, capability, or understanding
6. Contribution: a sense of service and focus on helping, giving to, and supporting others
Although each human being is unique, we all share nervous systems that function in the same way, hence the same needs. Our good, bad, ugly, wise, or stupid behaviors and actions are all ways of meeting our God-given six human needs. That is why no one has a right to judge you for having human needs unless they don’t wish you to be human.
However the quality of the kind of human you CHOOSE consciously or unconsciously to be is in your hands and it is what determines whether you are a happy and fulfilled human or a sad and confused one in your career, relationships, and personal life.
As such, all these six human needs are fundamental needs, and our human behavior and habits are simply an attempt to meet these six needs but the ways people can potentially meet these six needs are unlimited. For example, you don’t have to meet your need for certainty by putting others down or smoking weed. You don’t have to meet the need for significance by becoming the most depressed person in your team or telling the most depressing stories, there are a million other ways of meeting your need.
You don’t have to meet your need for love and connection by overpleasing people and wanting to be pitied for your poor choices. The trick is to always make sure you are using positive and empowering vehicles to meet your needs.
The order in which we value these needs also determines whether our needs are a prison or a heavenly experience. Some people value CERTAINTY & SIGNIFICANCE above all other needs while others may value SIGNIFICANCE & LOVE more. Although often done from an unconscious place we all meet these needs and have an unconscious order of importance to us.
We all need a great coach who can help us uncover what patterns of needs are running our lives and why we never seem to find true happiness despite our hard work.
I find that most people, especially the professionals in the marketplace, are driven by significance & certainty as to their top two most valuable needs, therefore, they are always anxious and in spite of performing well at work, they never feel totally fulfilled.
To maintain your sense of certainty you will have to artificially control your environment ( relationships, people, and yourself and to do that you will either have to lower your expectations and settle for less or just be stressed out and disappointed all the time. Does this sound familiar to you?
Then you add the high value on the need for significance which means you always have to be competing with someone else to feel important. You will have to lie to yourself about your real abilities or surround yourself with weak people who are less skilled in order for you to feel that you are significant and be certain in yourself.
For those of us with dysfunctional relationships or have dysfunctional family members I want you to know that all dysfunctional behaviors arise from our inability to meet these six needs in a healthy empowering and constructive way.
You don’t have to give up on your family members or give up on your dreams because even doing so is a way of meeting your six human needs but from a negative place. You can learn how to use the psychology of the human need to help your family members and your relationships. Understanding these needs, and which ones you or those around you are trying to meet in any given moment, can help you create new constructive patterns that lead to lasting fulfillment and put a stop to self-sabotage.
I train ordinary people to become world-class interventionists for their world and human needs psychology is one of the tools I use. If you would like to make your world a better place, whether it is your personal, professional, or relational life you can do so by joining our coach training and certification program.
In this training, we shall coach you to unleash your true self and live your fullest potential and make a lasting contribution to the planet as you get paid for doing so. For more information on how to join us visit DESTINY LIFE COACHING.